thoughts randlomly dropped


then and now

I skipped yoga on Tuesday out of sheer laziness.  Awful, isn’t it.  It’s not like my limbs are going to get stretched AT ALL as I sit on my ass playing Ratchet and Clank.  The only endurance I’m testing is that of my eyes and their tolerance for (another) LED screen.  And maybe my fast-twitch reflexes.  Both are really good.  Heh.  I did, however, make Hula class yesterday and it felt like I more than made up for missing yoga.  Heavy breathing and all….

Woke up this morning thinking about my grandparents house.  They had it built in ’64 and lived there until the early ’90s.  It was an amazing place for a little kid.  Grandma kept me during the day while mom was working before I started school and I had free reign.


This huge front window let me look out on a cul de sac from the house that was my entire world. The china cabinet at the end of the hall where I stored hugs.  The place my grandfather- who ‘kicked’ the furnace on and continually promised to ‘raise your board’ (utterly mystifying phrases to my 3,4,5 year old brain) came home to.  The place that housed the buffet under which Mr. Winkle hid from me, however desperately I wished he’d come out and let me pet him.  I lay there and reconstructed it in my mind, every detail I could remember.  I traveled in time this morning.  From my bed in 2011 back to the safe haven of my childhood in 1980.


It’s remarkable the details that can be found, the tiny memories one doesn’t even consider until those timetravel moments.  Counting and stacking coins out of the lunch jar at the kitchen table.  The C clamp on grandpa’s workbench.  Ridiculous how neat that thing was.  The massive, unending yard in the back that led to the absolute mystery of ‘woods’.  The family room where ‘Ryan’s Hope’, ‘All My Children’, ‘The Price is Right’ and chocolate sundaes could perpetually be found.  They were so good to me, my grandparents.  Took me on vacations and spent as much time with me as possible.  I miss them so.


There are days, I think, when we are reminded more strongly how tenuous our grasp on and of life really is.  In just a week, there have been some pretty major changes in the lives of several people close to me.  The passing of one, the jolt into reality of another, the skin of the teeth eye opener for another.  History is good.  It’s necessary, reminding us of where we came from and what we are capable of.  It is no substitute for this moment, though.  Like a talisman in my pocket, I carry those memories of my grandparents and they protect me from despair when I remember less pleasant childhood memories, but I will not lose myself in this moment to myself in the past.  I can’t.


This moment is too good to miss…..


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let your heart be light

It’s Valentine’s day, a season (since it starts around New Year’s now) when hearts and pink and red become unavoidable.  Men are told diamonds and roses are necessary for peace in the home, and women feel (vaguely) obligated to wear the sexy undies on their dates that night.  But really, what should V-day be about?  Well, there’s a whole passel of places to find out the origins of St. Valentine’s day so I’m not even going to bother with that.  What I’m aiming at is: what do you WANT it to be about?

If it’s purely a romantic thing, all flowers and cuddles and sexiness- go for it.

If you feel obligated to get a card to recognize a day pre written on the calendar, (you shouldn’t) I reckon that’s ok too.  As long as you don’t go all guilt stricken when the card shows up late (usually what happens to my obligation gifts- they land in limbo for a week or so before finding their way to the intended persons).


What if we collectively decide to open the possibilities up?  What is good for our hearts?  Not in the eatrightexercise way, so much as what makes your heart light.  I mean, don’t get me wrong…. food makes my heart happy.  Especially when it’s prepared with love and I enjoy it with people I love.  Exercise too, makes my heart happy- I’m so much less stressed after a nice long Hula class.  Mostly because I have to change my focus from all things everywhere to what my physical body is doing AT THIS MOMENT.  Coordinate.  Hands, hips, feet.  (It takes a lot of focus.)

In the spirit of that, here’s a list of a few things that make my heart happy, fill me with love, and generally lighten my soul:

:: Laughter.  I go through periods when it seems I’m laughing all the time and it’s wonderful.  It makes me happy, cheerful with others and more patient with people I would otherwise threaten with sudden destruction.  I’m going to try to extend those amusing periods.

:: Bear.  He makes me feel all soft and mushy inside, pulls me up when I’m down, makes me laugh, lets me vent, and occasionally brings me strawberries.  He has shown me a world I would never have known without him.  He’s so good for my heart.

:: Monkey.  When I’m having one of those omgimabadparentcausethelaundryisallstackedandidon’teverdoanythingaroundthehouseandi’msuppos

edtoTEACHthiskidsomething days inevitably he tells me how much he loves me and that he’s glad I’m his mom.  Without prompting.  🙂  How can that not make you feel better.  It’s like the magic kiss on the boo-boo.

:: Kindness.  You know how when, on the spur of the moment, you do something really kind for someone with no thought or intent behind it other than to help and you get that really light, cheerful feeling after?  I love that.  Or when strangers start being nice, holding doors for you and offering to help you with whatever, and everyone’s all “thank you” “you’re welcome” and you feel friendly?  Yeah.  That’s it.

:: Framily.  These are the people who, though not actually related to me, I have adopted and come to consider my own.  I love them all dearly (though I don’t tell them often).  I call them when I’m up, down, or sideways and they call me, too.  We break bread, drink coffee and wine, laugh, mock, sing, dance, dress up, spend holidays, bitch, and maybe even cry together.  They are my support system, they too, are good for my heart.

There’s more, I know, but I’d be here all day and you get the idea.  At any rate, the point is- don’t let others define how you celebrate and view the world.  You have your own lenses and they see differently than any others.  Have a fabulous Monday.  Do something kind for yourself or someone else.  Laugh.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Then do it again tomorrow and the day after.


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driving directions

There’s a new girl at work, 16 and still green.  Had no idea just HOW green til I tried giving her directions to a local Hotel (for a family member’s birthday).  It went something like this:

“Ok, so you go down Main street, cross the river and at…”

“wait, what river?”

“you know how to get to the government building, right?”


“You cross the bridge…”

“What bridge?”

“How do you get here?”

“In a car.”

“(snickering) I KNOW that, I mean which way?”

“Well, I don’t really know…”

“But you’re driving, right?”


” And you don’t know how you get here?”

“Well, you know, I come from that way.” (points vaguely)

(laughing openly) “But you come past the government building?”


“Then you cross the river.  On a bridge.”

“No, there’s no river around there.”

“Yes, there is.  It’s big.  The bridge has 6 lanes.  Look, you know the war memorial?  With the guy on top of it?”

“Yes.  It’s huge”

“It’s also right next to the river.”

Eventually we got it all sorted out.  I wrote down directions, in the (possibly vain) hope that they would lead her to her destination.  But I have to wonder….  How is it that someone is so oblivious they don’t notice the (large) river they cross everyday on the way to work??  And of course there was much speculation on alternate modes of transportation.

A herd of elephants, perhaps?

Magic carpet?

Sled dogs, pulling her valiantly across town?

A chariot drawn by cats?

And of course once we got to laughing, there was no end to the nonsense and laughter.  By the time I clocked out my ribs hurt and most of my eye makeup was wiped away.  Some days, work is good.  🙂

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ink on my hands

Algebra.  Just that word makes me want to grimace.  Homeschooling Monkey is getting tricky as we approach the higher maths, which can be frustrating for everyone in the house.  Chatted with Godfather about this and he said he’d be willing to do some tutoring for us, since math is cakework for him.  Nice to know Someone understands it.  🙂  I’m quite looking forward to it, though.  Almost finished with the US history book we’re working through, and then it’s time to broaden horizons.

Lunch today with a friend I haven’t seen in a while.  Looking forward to catching up.  Yoga class continues to be a source of amusement for me.  Some of the poses we do are just a riot.  It’s hard for me to not gigglesnickerchuckle in the middle of them.  I try not to since I’m pretty sure people would think I was laughing at them, rather than the ideas my brain gives me about the actual movements.  And some of them just make me feel silly.  The first week was Zombie yoga, this week was Surfing yoga.  It keeps me grinning though…..

Played around a bit with Bear’s tattoo machine last eve.  He’s got this fake skin and was working on that, then on an orange.  The difference in the way the two took the ink was amazing.  Not sure how ‘skin-like’ the fake skin is.  Certainly less supple and the orange really shows it if you cut the skin, rather than inking it.  Also, it smells really good.  😉  Tattooing is hard on the hands though, I can totally see how you’d build strength there.  Those machines are heavy.

You know those things that happen to friends and you wish you could help, but all you can really do is be there if they need you?  I’ve one of those at the moment.  All I can say is: Man, I know it’s heavy.  I’m here to help lighten the load if I can.  Even if it’s just with booze and food and a bit of a laugh.

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the merits of not freezing

you get the idea

I was supposed to go walk down by the river this morning, but opted out because:

  • I got up late
  • it’s too damn cold and windy and sleety
  • coffee at the local diner was calling me
  • I didn’t wanna

Thus I found myself- after staggering into the white death- drinking cup after cup of coffee (liberally endowed with cream and sugar) with Cheesecake, Legs, and eventually Hippie.  Possibly the best moment of the morning was when an ancient man came in with a hat that said “LETCH”.

I so desperately wish I had been able to get a clandestine picture, but, having fallen over in a fit of chuckaliciousness at the hat’s arrival I’m pretty sure the old man wearing it would have realised what I was doing….  And there’s no way I could’ve kept a straight face to ask for a pic.  Maybe next time.

Hula was out today, on account of the weather and no one wanting to slide over to the halau.  A bit of a relief for me, as I found my body wasn’t all in for much of anything shortly after breakfast.  The perils of womanhood and whatnot.  As a bonus though, Monkey (who is still not feeling quite right, poor lad) and I got to share some quality time curled up on the couch under blankies watching Despicable Me.  Which, by the by, is possibly the most perfect movie ever for just that purpose.  🙂


Bear has ventured out to the shop to try and get some work done before his fingers go totally numb.  I may have to ping him shortly to make sure he hasn’t frozen over entirely.

Irish and Dog have returned from their hiatus/house sitting adventure, having been gone a week and some.  Puppa is entirely sure something is amiss and feels the need to let me know with every whining breath.  He’s driving me mad.  Never saw a dog sleep with ‘alert ears’ until now.  It’s pretty amazing; I guess it’s the canine version of sleeping with one eye open…..  Dog is just doing what he does, possibly wondering why the small dog is all wigged out.  Mooch.. well, she’s really not too concerned with much of anything not involving biscuits, cheweez, or squeakers.  Other critters in the house are fine as long as they aren’t dipping into her goodies.

Picked up a new gargoyle at the antique shop the other day.  He’s marvelous.  Smug little grin and teeny wings on his back.  A surprise tail tucked in around his feet.  He’s plaster and needs a touch of repair, but Bear said it won’t be a problem.  I was absolutely gleeful when I looked at the tag and saw he was only 5 bucks.


How could I not bring him home?

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Spent the morning transferring my blog posts from Myspace to this.  I’m certain there’s a simpler way to do it than the one I chose, but really that’s just par for my course.  After giving it long thought I’ve (finally) decided that particular site is no longer of use to me.  The one blogger I really followed there has created a ‘regular’ blog and doesn’t post at the old one any more, and all my other people are on FB.  It seemed very odd  to me going through and deleting things, making sure I had copies of photos I’d posted, and posting a last comment before I delete the account altogether (which will be tormorrowish).  Bit of an end to the era, I reckon.

Monkey has been sick the last few days.  Bit of the flu or something, so I’ve been pumping him full of tea and vitamin c.  Seems to be doing trick.  He’s at least well enough for schoolwork and video games.  🙂

Bear has been learning the fine art of tattooing bit by bit.  Being the research hound he is there have been books and websites and videos galore.  He’s spoken at length with tattoo artists and is practicing on fruit periodically.  Most recently he’s been working on his own design ideas for his leg.  Overall there is much sketching and lightboxing and colouring and whatnot.

Hula is going well.  We’re working on a new (to me) dance that was stunningly frustrating the first day we worked on it.  I’ve finally worked out the first 2 verses and only have to figure out the 3d before moving on.

New neighbors moving in and I can’t help wondering what they’ll be like.  In typical anti-social style I want them to leave immediately (and if I’m the catalyst for it, so much the better).  Bear says they look normal, but who can tell by appearances anymore, eh?  I mean, we look normal.  Til you come in the house.  Apparently the woman had comments to make about ‘the neighbors’ not scraping the ice up someplace.  My response (in typically shotgun fashion) was fuck that.  I don’t scrape ice off me own paths, for me own self.  Not going to start doing it for the neighbors.


I know, right?  I’m just soooo friendly.  Heh.


Work tonight at the Chinese.  Looking forward to the day when we have full, competent staff.  Haha- ‘neeevah happen’ (she said, in a bad Chinese accent.)  Every time we get someone, the can’t keep up.  Bit sad, really.  It’s a byproduct, I think, of hiring teenagers.  Maybe this year we’ll get a well seasoned server who understands that the appetizers come BEFORE the entree’.  For now, the handful of us are running our asses off on the weekends trying to keep up.  Which really is a good thing, since it shows that business is picking up.
And on that note, I must groove.


A very Happy Chinese New year to you!