Ah, bliss, the life of a lounger…..
So, yesterday, I’m laying awake in bed at stupid o’clock debating how many times more I can hit the snooze button before it’s rush time (D/H having proved his manliness by striking it a mere once, then getting up), when I realise the bed is gently shaking (without human assistance, alas). Naturally, I assume it’s my dog chewing in an attempt to either relieve an itch or drive me batshit before I’m even fully awake, and so tell her to ‘knock it the fuck of’. After telling her twice, I give up and try to go back to dozing, noticing that telling the dog off has had no effect except that she stopped when she wanted to (presumably to my muddled brain) and eventually the shaking stopped. (It never occurred to me that the events were not concurrent, bright one that I am…) On the way to work, the radio informs me that there was an earthquake in wherever Illinois around stupid o’clock.
Ummm… I live in the Midwest, land of corn and soybean. Cornfed hillbillies, rednecks, and people whose idea of good beer is Natural Lite. (you’ll have to pardon the sweeping generalisation- this is what I see most of my day out of the house…) We do tornadoes, floods, the odd fire, freak snow storms, drought, and (at least in my area) weather that changes like a fucking metronome. We do not do earthquakes. Let the folks in Cali have that shit, they’re ready for it. Not us. If the house is shaking, our inclination is to go to ground, not stand around and let it fall apart around us. We fully expect to see houses flung here, there, and everywhere in any given spring or summer storm. But (and it could just be me, but I seriously doubt it) earthquakes fuck us up. What do you mean it’s more dangerous to get in the ground? Tornadoes suck shit UP! We get in the fucking cellar, so it has to work harder to kill us! What do you mean the earth will collapse on us and basically eat us! Fuck all that noise!!!! We’re used to the sky trying to kill us, and maybe the earth might try to starve us now and then in the summer, but actually trying to EAT us? Freaky shit man. That’s why I don’t live in California… cause earthquakes freak me out. I mean, we’re not really even taught what to do in the ‘event of an earthquake’. I’m pretty sure my employers would call a staff meeting on the spot to dicuss tactics we could implement in the event that we survive this earthquake and experience another- ‘course it’d take 5 fucking years to make a concrete decision, but I’m sure eventually they’d get to it. Maybe. Other folks would probably just spaz out entirely. Maybe I should get a camcorder just in case….. Naw, that’s just evil… right? But now it’s got me wondering… is this just a freak thing, or does it happen on some kind of regular basis? I have a friend who is certain that one day the Mother will awaken and shake all of humanity off like so many little bugs, then just start again. If she feels like it. Shit like this makes me wonder if she’s beginning to stir in her sleep and wonder what we’re doing while she’s napping….