motheralice

thoughts randlomly dropped

7 Aug. 2009 train of thought

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Well, after waiting and waiting… I’m still waiting to hear what is going to happen at the Libe.  Some kind of major powwow is supposed to go down the 17th, so info soon.  I hope.  I’m tired of waiting (and so is everyone I work with).  Happily for me, I’m on vacation this week!!  Yay!!  I’m going to put work out of my mind (except for the 4 times a day I will want to check the staff site to make sure nothing is happening) and just enjoy the (paid) downtime while I can.  D/h has made a scale replica of the ‘keyblade’ from the kingdom hearts game and if I can remember how, I’ll put it up.  It’s nice, perfectionist work.  Maybe some huge fan will buy it… that would be absolutely fab!

As I sit here I can hear crickets (and the neighbors).  Why would I mention this you may be wondering… Well it’s because I’m ALONE in the house!!!!  By myself.  (Dogs don’t count, cause they don’t speak peoplese.)  The boys are out at a friends bonding and being manly.  Score one for subtle suggestion.  So peace and quiet and I’m… on the computer.  Hmm.  May have to rethink that.  Course I have a whole week in which to sew and organize and generally spaz out, so starting out gently might be a good idea.  On the other hand, I’ve never really been one to ease into things.  Head first and damn the rocks is usually my m.o. 

I had a patron complain to me today about the movie ‘Good Luck Chuck’.  He told me it was “absolutely pornographic” and we should do something about it (I suspect burning it would’ve been ok with him).  When I pointed out that it was rated R (right there on the back cover- although in admittedly small print), he just said “oh”.  On the way out he told me it should be rated triple x.  I just shrugged and smiled.  Not allowed to point out that libraries aren’t really big on censorship.  In the same vein, a mother picked up a copy of the live action Mario Brothers, and when she read that it was rated PG and part of that rating was mild sensuality, she put it back with the comment that “I don’t want to explain anything” to her kid.  About what the sensuality might mean?  About sex?  The kid is almost a teenager, she probably knows more than mom thinks already.  But this brings up a good point….  As Americans, we tend to be either horribly repressed, ridiculously naive, or disgustingly raunchy about sex.  There is no middle ground, there is no logic.  And there most certainly will be no calm, unemotional, non freaked out discussion with our children about it.  If you’re not a virgin when you get married your man will think your a whore (this doesn’t apply to boys/men though.)  If you have sex before you’re married, you’re going to hell.  Teenage pregnancy is bad, so don’t have sex.  And hide the teens who do.  And make them ashamed of their children.  And DO NOT teach them to take responsibilty for their children!!!!  That’s what the grandparents are for (cause they did such a good job the first time, right?)

Seriously?

Now I know that no one is perfect, and teens are stupid often just out of their very teenness, and things happen.  Not everyone fits these stereotypes.  But there is a reason for the stereotype.  And I have lived around white trash long enough to know, there are LOTS of reasons for the stereotypes.  Think for a moment about what could happen if we just chilled a bit and had a glass of wine with the “sex talk”.

There would be giggling (cause how many kids do you know who can have that talk without giggling, right?).  Also, parents will giggle at some of the questions- between the age and the wine, something will be funny.  I promise.  There will also be embarrassment.  Like when the question of “Hey mom, what’s a douchebag?” comes up in the middle of the afternoon (after watching a movie in which it was used as an insult).  How do I look my 11 year old in the eye and explain that one?  It can be done.  It is embarrassing.  He thought it was “disgusting!”  and wanted no further discussion of it (thankfully).  But the point is the news and media are trying to scare me into believing my kid will be another teenage father by virtue of statistics.  And I can (hopefully) prevent that by being open to whatever questions he has when he has them, sitting down with him and talking to him about sex and his ideas about it, and making sure he has examples on both sides of the fence.  My brother was a teen dad, and he has paid in many ways since, even though he loves his 3 kids.  (He will be 26 in December.)  As much as I love him, he is my son’s example of what not to do.  On the flip side my d/h explained to him that we made a conscious choice for me to get pregnant with him and that before that we actively worked to prevent it with condoms AND the pill (yes, we were quite paranoid, thanks).  Monkey asked me the other day while we were talking (we’ve had the major discussion, now it’s just random questions here and there) “where do I get condoms if I need them?”  After my heart started to beat again, I told him that if necessary we could get some for him, or he could buy them himself.  Then I asked if he was thinking of having sex and he grimaced and told me no way.  He knows we don’t want him having sex til he’s grown (30 would be good, I’m not pressed for grandkids), we’ve made that quite clear.  And that you don’t just go around having sex with anyone who happens to walk by or catch your eye.  I think he meant it, he still thinks kissing is kind of gross so I could be safe for another few weeks.  But it gives me pause, and it reminds me to keep the lines of communication open, because I know that as long he’s comfortable talking to us about it he will.

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