motheralice

thoughts randlomly dropped


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After a bit of knitting, a flick, and some cookies…

Feeling better today.  Lovely weather, sunshine and a bit of a loose plan all help with that.  Went through and double checked all my security junk after the whole crazy people thing and am feeling pretty good about it all.  I’m a bit shocked at the visceral reaction I had, just to unwanted communications.  I’m listening to it though, over the years I’ve found it’s not worth it to ignore my intuitions. 

 

In the parking lot at the grocery today I saw a fender bender.  A good reminder to me (and all involved) to Pay Attention.  Man A was either pulling into a spot or out of it, and Man B was backing straight out.  A honked, several times and long ones, B continued to back.  He couldn’t have been looking at all.  A’s vehicle was a minivan and it was almost perpendicular to B’s vehicle.  Nothing major- just enough for a dent and shake of the van I suspect.  Still, sometimes we miss the most obvious things because we’re just not paying enough attention.

 

I am often guilty of this. 

 

I tend to ‘brown out’ sometimes on things that don’t seem important, then later wonder why Bear/Monkey is insisting they told me something.  They did, I wasn’t paying attention- to one of the two most important people in my life.  Today I will have Open Eyes, and Attentive Mind. 

Cheers~

 

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Do not engage the crazy people

So, as it turns out, there IS enough crazy in the world to go around.  And here I was worried there wasn’t.*  My friend’s ex is nuts.  And, apparently, a hacker of sorts.  Or an identity thief.   Not quite sure which.  Either way, he’s fucked for the foreseeable future.  I posted a comment on something he said on a social net site and got responses from her under his name. 

 

Uh….

 

First:  yes, I do think she’s a bitch.  Regardless of what she says happened. 

Second:  I don’t care what she wants to send me- winning lotto numbers, naked pics of Sean Connery at his pinnacle, fortune telling secrets of the mystics.  She’s not getting my email address. 

Third:  I’m pissed because I felt like, for my own peice of mind (and safety) I had to unfriendthingy him.

 

This person’s reach has just extended entirely too far.  Bitch.  I get that some people thrive on drama.  I, however, do not and have taken several measures to ensure that I have as little as possible.  Sadly, drama is occasionally unavoidable and (like now) I have to put on my shitkickers and deal with it.  Ok.  Fine.  Whatever.  My friend doesn’t get to move away from the drama, I guess, because he had the misfortune to Love this person enough to marry her.  Even though he has been quite amicable in the divorce, she’s still harassing him.  I’m angry and sad on his behalf and I can’t help him because I’m not rich enough to afford a shark lawyer.  Even if I was, he probably wouldn’t let me help him that way. 

 

*eyes rolling practically out of my head

 


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All that you build will probably fall someday, then you’ll be left with only polaroids*…..

So, Bear went (over the mountain haha) camping this past weekend.  Started out well, and turned into a monkeyfuck at the end.  While the behaviour of Booze is not surprising (but is, assuredly, a continuance of his asshattery), I am sadly shocked by the Remarkably Bad behaviour of the Clown.  Under normal circumstances the Clown is a pretty mellow fellow.  Sure, he may overdo the drink now and again and get a bit weebly- but by the sound of it this was far and away worse.  Even Devilboy was appalled, and he’s a bona-fied, certifi(able) true Punk.  A man who has gone merrily about his hometown causing chaos and havoc when and wherever possible.  The weekend ended with Bear, Boxer, and the others herding Booze down the path while he alternately “had seizures” and cried.  Cried.  Not because he was actually having seizures, but because he just didn’t want to GET OFF HIS ASS.  And also, crying draws a lot of attention.  The Clown, however, woke up (after a night of SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS ALL NIGHT) too late for breakfast, packed his shit up and promptly stomped out of camp.  Which is whatever.  The best part of this whole thing is:  He left altogether.  Now, if this was a place that was right up the road from home (or, like, TOWN) ok.  Fine.  But, it’s not.  It’s, like, 3 HOURS from home.  Town is a bit of a drive as well. 

 

Can you say “Douchecanoe”?

 

Who the fuck goes out to the boonies to camp with friends (ahem ‘friends?’) and then just abandons ship when one of them is having issues (to put it mildly), leaving the others to clean up the mess THAT HE HELPED CAUSE?  Fucking Seriously!?  You’re gonna egg Booze on into getting well past shitfaced, and get equally trashed yourself and then just… leave? 

 

You chickenshit motherfucker.

 

Just to ice that cake:

At the halfway point Bear decided to let the others stop (herding a blubbering whiner who is repeatedly telling you he’s having seizures is Hard Work) and run the rest of the trail to the car.  The idea being that if road to the trail leading to the halfway point was open he could just bring the car to them and save quite a bit of trouble and stress.  So, he heads down the way (not a long trail- think he said it was about a mile and half to the lot at that point) gets to the lot and meets there with Devilboy (who has taken the kayak so that Bear could deal with Booze) who tells him the Clown just walked away and got into his car- at which point Bear sees the Clown heading toward the lot exit, sprints toward him (trying to figure out WTF) shouting, and the Clown just ignores him and leaves.  Based on my (admittedly very limited) knowledge of Bear’s description- the Clown couldn’t have missed him.  Unless he’s blind in one eye.  Um….Seriously????

 

Booze apologised (profusely) for ruining the trip.  He won’t be camping with Bear again, though.  Bear’s over that shit and I told him that if Booze so much as calls the house and I get it he’s in for a world of fire and ire.  I’m done with that fucker.  This is not by a long shot the first time Booze has pulled some shit like this.  I’m over it.  There’s more to this story, but the (slightly) short version is that in addition to all the stress and aggravation, Bear could have gotten physically injured trying to take care of Booze’s sorry ass.  All because he has no self control. 

 

In the end, they all got home ok.  Booze went to hospital to get his ‘seizures’ checked.  Turns out he was having convulsions because he’d mixed various drugs and alcohol with the heart and antipsychotic meds he’s on.  Gee, that’s a shock.  I had no idea he was even supposed to be on anything like that (although it doesn’t come as any great shock). 

 

Bear tried to find out WTF from the Clown and all he said was that he was pissy because he missed breakfast.  No apology for his shitty behaviour.  No comment to the effect of ‘is everyone else ok’.  Zip. 

For the record, this is totally unexpected behaviour from the Clown.  I was blown away.  Bear was too, come to that.  Now we’re both trying to figure out why he acted like that and still hasn’t touched base to say Anything- let alone something to the effect of ‘sorry I was an ass’.  Maybe he’s embarrassed?  He should be.  What if it was a major problem Bear was trying to get his attention for?  Why would you just take off and leave your mates like that unless you knew you’d been a shit and were too embarrassed to face it?

 

I know it’s hard to face some things, but not doing it could really fuck things up.  Sometimes all it takes is an apology to patch things up…

 

Anyway.  I’m glad Bear’s home.  I always miss him terribly when he’s gone.  He’s doing 60 hours a week consistently now, so I miss him terribly anyway- but at least I know he’s nearby.  I told him he should have a do-over Spring camp.  Just take the fellas who can keep it together and to hell with the others.  We’ll see. 

This whole experience has been a big reminder to me.  It’s easy to fuck up, we all do it.  It’s hard to own up to fucking up and apologise for it, but it needs to be done.  If you don’t, those things become big festering sores on the face of friendships leaving your friends to trust you less, respect you less, want to be around you less.  Forgiving fuckups can be equally difficult- especially when the person in question Won’t own up and apologise.  Ooooh.  That’s so much more difficult for me than apologising.  Something for me to work on there. 

 

 

 

*from the song The Coffee Beanery by Casey Dienel

 

 


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Obsessions

Things have been kind of insane lately.  See, I’ve been sucked into the Wormhole of Genealogy.  Which means I’ve been up til something like 4 in the morning with coffee and file folders searching a zillion databases, cursing Ancestry for wanting me to pay for Every-Damn-Scrap, madly collating information, and generally trying to figure out who the parents were and where they were from for any given person in my (and Bear’s) family.  There are A LOT of people in my family.  As it turns out- I really am Not alone.  😉 

 

In addition to that, I’m knitting.  Which, as it turns out, I cannot do simultaneously with genealogical research.  Apparently, I’m not *quite* that talented.  Not enough arms ‘n stuff.  Or eyes.  But!  The sweater of mayhem is nearing completion!  I’m all the way up to shaping the neckline.  Now I just have to figure out what the directions really want me to do.  I’m sure it’s simple.  Really.  Except for those stitches it tells me to put on the holder.  And then do what? with them exactly?  Yeah.  I’ll sort it as soon as I see Coffee and Legs.  They’ll no doubt tell me to just do what the paper says and it’ll come out alright.  BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE STITCHES?!  So, yeah, that’s taking up all kinds of space in my brain. 

 

Lastly, I’ve begun reading Game of Thrones. 

Absorbing, engrossing, another fabulous timesuck.  Even better, I can read while I’m knitting now that I have a Kindle!  Yes!  Definitely in the top 5 Birthday gifts ever.  I don’t need a paperweight to hold it open.  Don’t have to shift a bunch of stuff around and put things down to turn the page.  Just a gentle bonk on the forward button on the side.  Nice.  The problem is, I got the book through the library and right now kindle books have a shorter loan period than regular books.  With all the stuff I’m currently obsessing over, I’m NOT READING FAST ENOUGH!  It’s due in a couple days.  So I’m going to wrap it up here and get back to it! 

 

Cheers!

 


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little things

What’s in my head at the moment:

 

:: I’ve been an absolute knitting fiend lately.  Working on a cardigan sweater (pattern came from this book) and this is the largest item I’ve done to date.  It might be finished some day- but in the meantime, it’s at least a learning experience….  Having just taken a really clear look at it (not all bundled up while I’m working on it) it really is looking like something a person might wear someday.  Nice. 

Imperfect, but comfy. I hope.

I honestly had no idea I had it in me.  Someday this will be wearable.  I feel so cool. 

 

:: My brother’s girlfriend is pregnant with her first child and his fourth.  I couldn’t fucking believe it when he told me.  In the grocery store.  The tea aisle will never be the same.  I suppose I’d be happier for them if I felt like either one of them was going to be getting their shit together anytime soon.  As it is, they have a lot of nonsense they’d do well to straighten out before having any more kids.  Oh, well.  Here’s hoping it works out for the best. 

 

:: Bear’s job is going to drive me bananas.  It’s exhausting him and sucking up all his time.  This makes me want to cross my arms and stomp like a child having a tantrum.  I miss him.  I miss talking to him.  I miss hanging out with him.  I miss sitting in the kitchen with him over coffee.  I miss cuddling and having sex and laughing and everything with him.  Stupid job.  Stupid bills.  I wish I could not be sad about this.  I wish I could fix it for him.  And me.  I can’t wait til he finds something better, even if it doesn’t pay as well. 

 

:: My birthday just passed, and I am now 35.  Or 8 depending on whether you want to play around with numerology.  Sometimes I act about 8 (see above).  My day was pretty great.  Bear and Monkey and I all got to hang out for a while in the morning, then there were many well wishes from friends and framily, and then (to my utter surprise) a couple other friends gave me a kindle.  (Thus continuing the legacy of my being dragged into the digital age by intrepid, kind, fearless, tech savvy friends).  I’ve been playing around with it and have to say, it’s pretty cool.  My library has kindle editions now and I have to admit, it’s a nice way to hit the libe without using any gas.  Hooray for cool friends.  Also, 35 is pretty great in itself.  😉 

 

:: I got my hair cut on Mabon.  The timing was serendipitous, but quite appropriate.  It was down to my ass and getting heavy (as it will be to do), so I had my guy cut it up to my bra line.  He was quite amazed given that I’m normally all “just take off an inch or 2, but not much more”.  The thing is, when you have to move your hair so you can roll over without injuring yourself- it’s time to get some of it cut.  In addition to that- the weight was really getting annoying.  Now it’s too short, but that’s just me needing to adjust to not being able to hold it straight down my extended arm anymore.  At any rate, I sat in the chair all relaxed and calm and considered the seasons coming and going and tried to take time to mentally prepare myself for the coming winter.  It’s going to take more work, I’m afraid.  We had a bit of a cold snap, and I’m still nowhere near ready.  The closest I’ve come is unshrinking a sweater that found it’s way into the dryer.  Not a bad job and not too difficult, but it took me, like, 4 towels where the instructions I found said “an absorbent towel”.  Maybe theirs was more absorbent than mine?  I bet.  I did let the sweater soak longer than 10 minutes (hello attention span of a hyper squirrel).  Also, I used my kitchen sink since it’s larger and I knew my whole bathroom would end up wet if I tried it in there.  Good directions though. 

blocking the damp sweater


:: Samhain is coming and I am quite looking forward to it, thinking I may do something a bit different this season….  Still haven’t decided what quite yet. 

 

:: Halloween prep is on our minds as well.  I’m planning to dye my hair for my costume- just have to find the right shade of red/auburn/ginger.  I need Bear for this (colour is one of his skills), and so am assuming it will have to be done at one of those ridiculous hours of day when he’s actually awake.  Monkey is planning to do a Werewolf, but I’ve seen no action toward it other than browsing at the store.  We’ll see.  He says he won’t trick or treat this year.  We’ll see about that too.  It would make me sad to see him stop so young (said the girl who went trick or treating til she was 19 and would still go to houses if it wouldn’t earn filthy looks and comments).

 

I think I’ve come to the end.  I know I haven’t posted lately and that’s 1 part life and 1 part laziness.  I’ll work on that.  In the meantime be kind, breathe deep, share the love. 

Cheers.