thoughts randlomly dropped

There is a difference between walking a path…


and sitting on one.  I have been sitting so long there are cobble marks on my ass. 

In case you didn’t know, I’m an herbalist and healer.  I know.  You totally couldn’t tell.  What the hell kind of healer swears like I do and has almost no tolerance for the asshattery of other people?    Aren’t we all supposed to be rose coloured glasses, rainbows, and unicorns? 


I’m not sure, frankly.  I’m trying to reconcile who I am with who I’m “supposed” to be.  How do I do that?  I’ve considered giving up foul language.  Really.  I’m not going to, but I considered it.  Language doesn’t effect my ability to see and understand and work with plants to heal.  Saying “fuck” when I accidentally run a red light (totally my own fault) doesn’t preclude my intuitive senses from picking up whatever needs noticing.  Not paying attention to said intuition will do that all on it’s own.  But. 


There’s this picture people (m’self included) have of “healers”.  Patient.  Empathetic.  Sympathetic.  Ethereal.  Loves everyone.  Airy-fairy.  All-knowing.  I know they can’t be all that all the time.  Logically.  I may have any of the given qualities at a given moment, I may even have most at a given moment.  Seldom would I have all of them at once, and definitely not all the time.  Some I may never have.  Does this mean I’m not tuned in to the Universe?  Only when I’m not listening.  And I haven’t been.  I’ve been sitting because I’m not sure what to do with my skills.  Also, new stuff is scary.  Putting myself out there is scary.  I know it’s chickenshit, but I still have the whole “what if they don’t like me” mentality on this stuff.  (Of course the chorus in my brain immediately shouts “then FUCK THEM” when I ask that question, but still….)  So I’m trying to sort it all out. 


I do intuitive healing, and I’ve seen good results.  I’ve also seen the folks who get good results initially fuck up all that nice energy work in the span of a week.  After I told them they’d need to do a few things to maintain it.  (Tough things like: drink this tea, meditate for 5 minutes each day, get a bit more rest.)  It’s hard not to slap someone when they come to you in a situation like this and ask why it isn’t working anymore.  Very hard.   It’s difficult to remember sometimes that we’re all doing our best, when really some folks are just looking for someone else to blame for their laziness.  Just admit you don’t feel like doing it and we’re fine.  I want to help people, but it pisses me off when they expect me to do ALL the work.  I am not a magic pill.  Herbs are not a magic pill.  Good things, things that will heal the issue and not just cover it or make the symptoms go away, take time and effort.  Magic pills are overrated. 

I am well aware that I’m far from perfect, and that I have a lot of growing to do.  I know that sitting on the path and not paying attention are my current large faults.  These are things I have to work on.  I may never be the stereotypical “healer”, and I have to remember it is a stereotype, but I am a healer.  I guess the first thing I need to work on healing is my fear.  Writing this is a step on that path. 


4 thoughts on “There is a difference between walking a path…

  1. I think you can be a healer and swear? Jeebus, I work for cancer doctors who embody the “What’s the difference between God and a surgeon? – God doesn’t think He’s a surgeon” joke! One’s a complete martinet and I’ve only recently discovered she knows everyone’s terrified of her and revels in it, and the other one seems to need help tying his shoes. And yet apparently their patients adore them, which I guess is the main thing. (Maybe you need more of their attitude, but I have no idea where you acquire it! And I’ve been looking!)

    Also, with you on the ‘you did none of this stuff and you complain it isn’t working…’ we gets that, and it’s just, ‘spray this up your nose twice a day’ :S That IS the ‘magic pill’ and they still won’t… augh.

    And I see I am late for work, so I will stop with the third party character flaws already! Ah karma, you work so fast! 😀

    (If I’ve fluffed the healing versus pharmaceuticals thing here, I apologise, not awake yet!)

    • Aww… thanks for the support! My issue seems to be that, yet again, I find myself on the fringe of what is commonly accepted (read: stereotypical) for ‘healer types’. I spoke with a friend about this today and she said that rather than being the new age fluffy bunny love type I’m more of the earthy tough love type. Which is fine, mostly, until I start wondering about what all the other healers will think of me. (And I still can’t quite remember why it matters?) I do what I do pretty well (I’ve been told), so I’m not sure why it matters so much to me. Of course, I also had this issue in elementary school. (Oh, the joys of working through old issues.) I swore then, too. 😉

  2. Many people might want a sensible down-to-earth healer rather than a new-age fluffy bunny type? At which point you have a Niche 🙂 Aye, I hear you on the ‘but what will the Others think’ (I do that for *anything* I want to do – art, ‘but, I am not a Proper artist!’, blacksmithing, ah, I have one for every letter of the alphabet!) I guess, if you do it anyway, you will eventually conquer the fear second? Or something? (If we both feel like that, it may be one of those things EVERYONE feels like, same as if you’re all, ooh I know nobody at this party, but then it turns out nobody else does and everyone’s all ARGH)

  3. I want to learn blacksmithing. Just think- then I could heal people…with a HAMMER! Ahahahaha!

    I think you’re spot on though about the insecurity thing, probably everyone has it (to some degree) and I just need to assume as much and then we’ll all be on the same wavelength. I said to my friend the ‘what will Others think’ bit, and she said ‘what Others, exactly?’ The ones in my head, naturally. I hope you’re right about people wanting a down to earth healer. I can do fluffy, but it comes across as forced and false (it is). Fingers crossed. I’m on the hunt for a massage-type table and a space. o.O

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