motheralice

thoughts randlomly dropped


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Cleaning! The house!

First off, let me say- THE LEG IS MUCH BETTER!!!!!  WOOOOOO!!  It’s not perfect and I’m still nervous about stairs, but I mopped and vacuumed my floors today (which turned out to be something like looking at new flooring when it was all said and done… eeew).  I still have stretching and strengthening to do, and I’m not sure how soon I’ll be dancing again, but it’s so so much better.  Yay for me.*  I’m trying to get back to that good mental place I was in when I was doing all that exercise and filled with endorphins, but it’s a bit tougher when you can’t really get into the exercise bit without fear of re-injury.  Alas, I suppose it’s too soon.  I miss those endorphins fiercely though.  The Boss is quite pleased I’m able to take tables at the Chinese again (as am I, although I suspect our reasons are not entirely the same).  She’s exhausted from the constant work- she practically lives there anyway, and taking up my slack doubled her work load.  I missed the money.  So we’re both pretty overjoyed that I’m mobile again, even if I am a bit slower at the moment.

 

*and everyone near me who’s had to listen to my bitching.

 

We got Monkey’s homeschool nonsense all sorted for this season.  I’d left it ’til late and got all freaked out about it (not that that’s anything new), but we found a new assessor who is FUCKING FANTASTIC.  All these years I’ve just had a lady who came, looked at the work, and signed the sheet without offering any real insight or opinion.  This guy though, he’s right with it.  Suggestions where we asked for them, reassurance where we needed it, and a willingness to listen to us ramble about our year.  So glad we found him.  It’s always so nice to have all that in order. 

I’ve been mentally rearranging my house recently, think I may just be biding my time ’til I can actually do it.  I warned Bear that I’m considering getting rid of one of the desks in the office and putting my massage table in there.  Guess which desk would have to move?  Heh.  He said we could put his in the garage- but I’m pretty sure that won’t happen.  I just have to figure out how best to shift all the tiles around to make the right shape (yeah, remember those puzzles?  My place is small like that.)  We’ll see how it turns out, but I’d love to clear a bunch of shit out and just start fresh.  Suppose I’d better get on that while I’ve the place to meself. 

Cheers!


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Resetting

A little perspective check.

 

I’ve been bitching almost nonstop about my leg the last few weeks.  Even for me it’s getting old, so you know it’s definitely old for Bear and Monkey and everyone else I’ve spoken to recently.  But.  Perspective. 

A week ago tonight a friend’s son lost his fight with brain cancer. 

 

Here I sit, healthy, with my glass of wine, writing this blog, having eaten a spectacular dinner of szechuan green beans.  Yeah, my leg hurts.  Yeah, it’s a pain in the ass.  Bonus?  My family are all healthy and here with me.  My son is not ill, not so much as a sniffle.  I am not in agony knowing his days will be fewer than mine. 

They got carry out from the Chinese tonight, and I told them it was on me.  What else could I do?  I can’t fix their pain or soften the sharp edges of the hole in their hearts and lives, so, like so many others, I gave them food and hugs and told them I’m here if they need me.  I gave them all that I could in that moment.  And it didn’t matter a bit that I had to hobble to bring them the bag.  What might they and their son have given for him to just have a pulled calf? 

 

My life is not that difficult and it’s time for me to remember that.  I don’t have to walk miles for clean water.  I have hot and cold indoor plumbing AND electricity.  I have access to just about anything I want materialistically (assuming I have the cash for it at that moment).  I have my health, even if it includes a sore leg.  My leg is healing.  Most of all, I have Bear and Monkey and Pup.  I have friends and family I love and who love me.  It’s time for me to count my blessings and know that it could all go away any time. 

 

Music to suit my thoughts

 


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Recent lessons

It’s been some time since I even gave a thought to blogging.  Or writing of any kind.  Needless to say, my brain is a jumble of nonsense and the important and everything in between.  I know writing is good for me, helps to sort out all the dross and cobwebs…. I just… forget sometimes that I have to actually DO it.  Or get preoccupied with whatever is happening in the moment.  I have blog envy for those folks who do write consistently.  Even if it’s only every 3 months, they’re like Old Faithful.  Heh. 

 

So.  Life. 

 

I’m starting massage school in the Fall.  It’ll be 20 months of intense learning (hands on and book) and then I’ll be certified in all sorts of massage types.  I’m looking forward to it and keeping fingers crossed that I can retain all that info.  Saw examples of my course books and they look pretty hardcore.  Bear and boy are fully behind me and aware that I’ll only be half here a lot of the time for that 20 months.  They’re making a plan.  I love that they’re making a plan.  I am also in the beginning stages of making a plan, but got slightly derailed by a…..

Pulled Calf Muscle!!!!!

 

Can we all say ‘No Fun At All’? 

 

See, part of the plan (that got slightly derailed) was ‘be more fit’ and it involved strengthening my cardio system (because I was panting after going up 10 steps, or something).  So my friend Irish says ‘you should try the Insanity workout, it’s fucking ridiculously tough, but I’m seeing great results.  And I says to meself, I can do tough- I’m not afraid to modify the workout to fit my needs.  I’ve got this.  And I did. 

For 4 days. 

I modified the workout.  It was still, in fact, Fucking Ridiculously Tough- even modified (that was the point after all).  I forgot to also modify the recovery days.  So when my calves were SORE (like stairs make you cringe because you not only look like a goober but it hurts going down them) for 2 days I thought ‘I’ll take a day off Insanity and just walk today and get back to it tomorrow’. 

 

Did you catch the foolishness in that last sentence??  I did.  The next day.  During warm up.  Mummy kicks (which I found to be one of the easier exercises, ironically).  And as I’m doing mummy kicks I abruptly hear ‘POP’ from my right calf.  fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

 

This happened on Tuesday morning.  I was supposed to perform at my Halau’s luau on the second Saturday following.  Can we all say ‘Disappointed as FUCK’?  Oh, by the way?  I couldn’t drive either, the first week and a half.  So I had to seek out a ride to everything.  Which made me feel like a total pain in the ass.  I have a whole new appreciation for those who are injured/handicapped and have to ask others for help, and also for people who have to hobble along.  Be nice to them, they are probably Very Annoyed by their lack of speed and are highly aware that everyone around them can move at the speed of light and has to wait on their pokey hobbling ass.  At least, I have been. 

Anyway. 

Luau came off well, and in the end I was terribly disappointed I couldn’t dance (so no surprises there)- but I did chant and drum, and that was FAB.  And I’m healing.  It’s been 3ish weeks and I can begin to seriously consider that I might walk normally soon.  Ish.  I can stretch it, gently.  I can drive (which is a MAJOR WIN).  I feel less helpless.  That’s a pretty major win too.  I don’t do helpless, it makes me cranky and mean.  This is good to know for future reference and as a flaw I need to work on, but finding out has sucked for all involved.  I’m pretty sure Monkey wanted to stuff me in a closet and leave me to my own devices more than once, since he’s been the one around me most during this.  Bear is working 2d shift now, so he’s out of it during the day.  I’m getting better, though.  And being nicer (my inner editor has her work cut out for her). 

 

I’m resuscitating the plan and altering it and giving myself recovery time (even though I’m antsy to be done recovering).  Just means I have to start in a different place and maybe at a slower pace than the original plan called for.