thoughts randlomly dropped

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to a friend


Hey doll, how are you and yours doing right now?  
I opened this window with only the idea of sending love and now I’m sitting here having a bit of a spaz because >so many things<


It turns out, after all this time thinking that my voice didn’t matter much- I’ve discovered I was wrong. (Something I may have suspected but always thought was just ego prancing about the way it does.) Recently I have been calling, emailing, petitioning and generally making myself a pain in the ass for my representatives by speaking out on every single thing that matters to me  (Everyone needs a hobby, no?) and I am astounded by how much this voicing matters *to me*.   Whether they act on my words or no, each person I have contacted now knows what I expect of them. They know what I hired them to do when I voted.  More importantly, I know I spoke up.


It turns out, my voice houses power.  I mean, I knew this, in a ‘call it to you’ kind of way.  But this is sorta different.  This is *political* power, affecting something far outside of my immediate space and so very much broader.  Speaking out my will to those in that big building who have been contracted to work it to the best of their abilities.  Now, I know you’ll shake your head and say “well, they have a lot of people to work for, they can’t possibly do what you want them to do all the time” and that’s as may be, but…  Now they know what I want and they know that I’m paying attention and they will learn that I will continue to use that voice AND most importantly they know that when the time comes ’round again I’ll be voting again- and this time I’ll have been paying closer attention to their acts and words and deeds and holding them accountable for all those things.  I won’t lie, I’m already side-eyeing a couple of guys for replacement.  So I need to be looking at new applicants for those positions and start sharing their names with all my wooden shod friends so when the time comes around they are familiar and not like some weird new candy none of the kids wants to try first.*


** I dunno, Mable, that doesn’t look like any kind of taffy I’ve ever seen… You try it first.  **


The last few weeks have been tremendous.  Tumultuous.  Sneaky.  Rattling.  Refocusing.  Educational.  I have had to relearn some things and reacclimate to cold calling strangers ( a thing I once did for pay donkey’s years ago).  It’s a process, but I feel more confident now than I did before that first call (after which I had to pace the house and just breathe for about 5 minutes, oh ffs).  Emailing is easy.  It’s almost anonymous and if your voice shakes or you stumble on your words, no one can hear you so you don’t have to feel funny or embarrassed.  Also, texting has weakened our phone skills, y’all.  What the hell?  I used to be able to talk to anyone, ANYONE, on the phone for any reason.  Now it’s a ball of stress.  No.  That’s a thing to remedy.  That’s a worthy skill.  I had no idea it was a skill, but I’ve learned that it TOTALLY IS.

I digress….

My newest lesson is figuring out when they will be voting on things.  I have sources like Countable, the Sixty-Five, and Five Calls and those are great, but I want to be able to plan my calls and emails a bit farther ahead if possible.  So I am looking to see where the dockets are for voting and hearings and so forth.  I’m looking, too, at my local reps and situation and planning to start going to city council meetings.  I am certain they will be excited to get my input in this quite republican corner of the world, haha.  They’re gonna hear it though. 


I feel like so many of us were sleeping, just floating along on the dreamfloss of hope and complacency.  I certainly was.  I’m awake now though. 





Where *did* I put that Monkey Wrench?




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When I was a kid in 6th grade I had a great teacher.   The only male teacher in the building, as it turns out, and also the one I was able to relate to the most.  I found myself, at various times, finished with my work and restless- so I would get up and wander over to his desk and hang out.  I remember massaging his shoulders once and him telling me I should be a masseuse.  (Yes, I know how that sounds.  No, it wasn’t funky.  It was a kid, showing affection to an adult she liked.)  We both carried on with reading after that (and as a result of my restlessness, I think, I was asked to help the kids who had trouble reading- since it was clear to my teacher I was ahead of the curve there) but the comment stuck in my mind.  At the end of the year he told me to “always be a free spirit”, a comment for which I will always be grateful.  He showed me a kind of acceptance I hadn’t seen before that, and saw a glimmer of who I could be, I think.

After high school, I ‘took a year off’ before college.  Which turned into the rest of my life so far, which is fine because if I had gone away to college I probably wouldn’t have met Bear.  Unfathomable.  So I’m happy with my long year off.

And now I can go back to school AND have Bear.  Cake+Eat.  Groovy.

I started in October, and sometime in May ’14 I’ll finish and be a Licensed Massage Therapist.  More grooviness.  Of course the very instant I let slip that this was my plan, everyone I spoke with wanted to know what I’ll do after.  I have no fucking idea.  Massage people, I hope.  Make money at it.  I want it to be framed in such a way that I can toss all my metaphysical doings into the pot, mix it up and have it come out in a fabulous way for people to relax and be healed.  My biggest goal right now?  I want to pass the next exam.  I want to retain all that information.  18 months of studying human anatomy and physiology and massage theory and practical massage and I want to be a beast at remembering ALL OF IT.  Office space will be taken care of when it’s time.

It’s trickier than one would expect to get people to practice on.  Mostly because they don’t want to intrude.  I have to explain it’s for a grade- no practice= no grade.  No grade= no pass.  Usually this helps.  There are also people who, I guess, expect me to pursue them.  Um.  I *did* mention that you should call me and we’ll set up a time/day, right?  Yeeeaah.  Ok.  So that bit has been kind of frustrating.  The people who do call me all seem very happy with my work so far (yay) and keep coming back.  Which I’m taking to be a good sign.

I feel like this is something I can be really good at.  In conjunction with my other methods of healing, I feel like I could really help people heal with it.  Of course the trick is getting word out to the right people.  I live in an area where intuitive healing is not generally considered “normal”, so shop locale could be something to work through as well.  It’ll come.

In the meantime I’ve a fabulous group of classmates and a couple marvelous teachers, and we’re all working together to learn all this really amazing stuff.  It’s like a little unexepected extended family.  Some of us connect more than others, but we are all supporting and helping each other.  It’s been like a light in the dark.  Difficult as it can be, I totally look forward to classes because of that.  Isn’t that something?

We should all be so lucky.