thoughts randlomly dropped

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When I was a kid in 6th grade I had a great teacher.   The only male teacher in the building, as it turns out, and also the one I was able to relate to the most.  I found myself, at various times, finished with my work and restless- so I would get up and wander over to his desk and hang out.  I remember massaging his shoulders once and him telling me I should be a masseuse.  (Yes, I know how that sounds.  No, it wasn’t funky.  It was a kid, showing affection to an adult she liked.)  We both carried on with reading after that (and as a result of my restlessness, I think, I was asked to help the kids who had trouble reading- since it was clear to my teacher I was ahead of the curve there) but the comment stuck in my mind.  At the end of the year he told me to “always be a free spirit”, a comment for which I will always be grateful.  He showed me a kind of acceptance I hadn’t seen before that, and saw a glimmer of who I could be, I think.

After high school, I ‘took a year off’ before college.  Which turned into the rest of my life so far, which is fine because if I had gone away to college I probably wouldn’t have met Bear.  Unfathomable.  So I’m happy with my long year off.

And now I can go back to school AND have Bear.  Cake+Eat.  Groovy.

I started in October, and sometime in May ’14 I’ll finish and be a Licensed Massage Therapist.  More grooviness.  Of course the very instant I let slip that this was my plan, everyone I spoke with wanted to know what I’ll do after.  I have no fucking idea.  Massage people, I hope.  Make money at it.  I want it to be framed in such a way that I can toss all my metaphysical doings into the pot, mix it up and have it come out in a fabulous way for people to relax and be healed.  My biggest goal right now?  I want to pass the next exam.  I want to retain all that information.  18 months of studying human anatomy and physiology and massage theory and practical massage and I want to be a beast at remembering ALL OF IT.  Office space will be taken care of when it’s time.

It’s trickier than one would expect to get people to practice on.  Mostly because they don’t want to intrude.  I have to explain it’s for a grade- no practice= no grade.  No grade= no pass.  Usually this helps.  There are also people who, I guess, expect me to pursue them.  Um.  I *did* mention that you should call me and we’ll set up a time/day, right?  Yeeeaah.  Ok.  So that bit has been kind of frustrating.  The people who do call me all seem very happy with my work so far (yay) and keep coming back.  Which I’m taking to be a good sign.

I feel like this is something I can be really good at.  In conjunction with my other methods of healing, I feel like I could really help people heal with it.  Of course the trick is getting word out to the right people.  I live in an area where intuitive healing is not generally considered “normal”, so shop locale could be something to work through as well.  It’ll come.

In the meantime I’ve a fabulous group of classmates and a couple marvelous teachers, and we’re all working together to learn all this really amazing stuff.  It’s like a little unexepected extended family.  Some of us connect more than others, but we are all supporting and helping each other.  It’s been like a light in the dark.  Difficult as it can be, I totally look forward to classes because of that.  Isn’t that something?

We should all be so lucky.


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Story of my life….

November is nearly over.  It’s finally cold- I’m freezing my ass off as I sit here in my layers waiting for the heat to come on.  Monkey is in the other room feeding his Yuletide film addiction with a Wonderful Life.  My car is in the shop for some unknown, but stinky ailment.  Hopefully Wrench will call with good news in the morn.  There are gifts awaiting wrap.  A large metal chicken decorated with lights, affectionately named ‘Beyonce’ (jr)’, on my porch. 


“It’s hard putting christmas lights on a chicken.”


The wine in my glass diminishes by the moment and I am still not satisfied~ mainly because it’s not coffee.  In trying to be sensible, I am often disappointed.  At least in the short run.  Must remember the payoff almost always comes later than I’d like.  I have no interest whatsoever in Yule decorating this year.  (At least at the moment.  It’s still November~ might be more into it next month.)  I am tired of missing my Bear.  We had 4 days off together over Thanksgiving and I loved every moment.  (Ok, maybe not the massive headache Saturnday- but all the rest for certain.)  I miss all the time we had together when we were both laid off.*


Things will get better.  We will have time again.  There will be hikes, and deer hunting and breakfast at home.  And foolishness.  Must remember that.  It’s so hard in this moment though. 

Anyway.  Monkey finished his report on prohibition and presented it yesterday.  He wants to do Archery.  Come to that, I do too.  Must get more info on that.  No car puts a kink in the regular plan for Thorsday for us~ we’ll be home in the morn (hopefully off to pick up the car in short order), rather than gallivanting with friends.  There is talk of a Coffee shop meeting… I think we’ll miss that one as well since it’s scheduled for one of my work days.  Maybe next time. 


Working on the design for my next tattoo.  What I really need to do is call the artist and sic him on it.  Not being the kind of high caliber artist I’d like to be, I’ll need him to do it for me.  Hope it turns out as I’d like.  Told Bear he could get me more ink for Yule.  He just smiled. 




*Yes, I am aware that this is blasphemous in America at this time.  I don’t care.


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All that you build will probably fall someday, then you’ll be left with only polaroids*…..

So, Bear went (over the mountain haha) camping this past weekend.  Started out well, and turned into a monkeyfuck at the end.  While the behaviour of Booze is not surprising (but is, assuredly, a continuance of his asshattery), I am sadly shocked by the Remarkably Bad behaviour of the Clown.  Under normal circumstances the Clown is a pretty mellow fellow.  Sure, he may overdo the drink now and again and get a bit weebly- but by the sound of it this was far and away worse.  Even Devilboy was appalled, and he’s a bona-fied, certifi(able) true Punk.  A man who has gone merrily about his hometown causing chaos and havoc when and wherever possible.  The weekend ended with Bear, Boxer, and the others herding Booze down the path while he alternately “had seizures” and cried.  Cried.  Not because he was actually having seizures, but because he just didn’t want to GET OFF HIS ASS.  And also, crying draws a lot of attention.  The Clown, however, woke up (after a night of SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS ALL NIGHT) too late for breakfast, packed his shit up and promptly stomped out of camp.  Which is whatever.  The best part of this whole thing is:  He left altogether.  Now, if this was a place that was right up the road from home (or, like, TOWN) ok.  Fine.  But, it’s not.  It’s, like, 3 HOURS from home.  Town is a bit of a drive as well. 


Can you say “Douchecanoe”?


Who the fuck goes out to the boonies to camp with friends (ahem ‘friends?’) and then just abandons ship when one of them is having issues (to put it mildly), leaving the others to clean up the mess THAT HE HELPED CAUSE?  Fucking Seriously!?  You’re gonna egg Booze on into getting well past shitfaced, and get equally trashed yourself and then just… leave? 


You chickenshit motherfucker.


Just to ice that cake:

At the halfway point Bear decided to let the others stop (herding a blubbering whiner who is repeatedly telling you he’s having seizures is Hard Work) and run the rest of the trail to the car.  The idea being that if road to the trail leading to the halfway point was open he could just bring the car to them and save quite a bit of trouble and stress.  So, he heads down the way (not a long trail- think he said it was about a mile and half to the lot at that point) gets to the lot and meets there with Devilboy (who has taken the kayak so that Bear could deal with Booze) who tells him the Clown just walked away and got into his car- at which point Bear sees the Clown heading toward the lot exit, sprints toward him (trying to figure out WTF) shouting, and the Clown just ignores him and leaves.  Based on my (admittedly very limited) knowledge of Bear’s description- the Clown couldn’t have missed him.  Unless he’s blind in one eye.  Um….Seriously????


Booze apologised (profusely) for ruining the trip.  He won’t be camping with Bear again, though.  Bear’s over that shit and I told him that if Booze so much as calls the house and I get it he’s in for a world of fire and ire.  I’m done with that fucker.  This is not by a long shot the first time Booze has pulled some shit like this.  I’m over it.  There’s more to this story, but the (slightly) short version is that in addition to all the stress and aggravation, Bear could have gotten physically injured trying to take care of Booze’s sorry ass.  All because he has no self control. 


In the end, they all got home ok.  Booze went to hospital to get his ‘seizures’ checked.  Turns out he was having convulsions because he’d mixed various drugs and alcohol with the heart and antipsychotic meds he’s on.  Gee, that’s a shock.  I had no idea he was even supposed to be on anything like that (although it doesn’t come as any great shock). 


Bear tried to find out WTF from the Clown and all he said was that he was pissy because he missed breakfast.  No apology for his shitty behaviour.  No comment to the effect of ‘is everyone else ok’.  Zip. 

For the record, this is totally unexpected behaviour from the Clown.  I was blown away.  Bear was too, come to that.  Now we’re both trying to figure out why he acted like that and still hasn’t touched base to say Anything- let alone something to the effect of ‘sorry I was an ass’.  Maybe he’s embarrassed?  He should be.  What if it was a major problem Bear was trying to get his attention for?  Why would you just take off and leave your mates like that unless you knew you’d been a shit and were too embarrassed to face it?


I know it’s hard to face some things, but not doing it could really fuck things up.  Sometimes all it takes is an apology to patch things up…


Anyway.  I’m glad Bear’s home.  I always miss him terribly when he’s gone.  He’s doing 60 hours a week consistently now, so I miss him terribly anyway- but at least I know he’s nearby.  I told him he should have a do-over Spring camp.  Just take the fellas who can keep it together and to hell with the others.  We’ll see. 

This whole experience has been a big reminder to me.  It’s easy to fuck up, we all do it.  It’s hard to own up to fucking up and apologise for it, but it needs to be done.  If you don’t, those things become big festering sores on the face of friendships leaving your friends to trust you less, respect you less, want to be around you less.  Forgiving fuckups can be equally difficult- especially when the person in question Won’t own up and apologise.  Ooooh.  That’s so much more difficult for me than apologising.  Something for me to work on there. 




*from the song The Coffee Beanery by Casey Dienel



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driving directions

There’s a new girl at work, 16 and still green.  Had no idea just HOW green til I tried giving her directions to a local Hotel (for a family member’s birthday).  It went something like this:

“Ok, so you go down Main street, cross the river and at…”

“wait, what river?”

“you know how to get to the government building, right?”


“You cross the bridge…”

“What bridge?”

“How do you get here?”

“In a car.”

“(snickering) I KNOW that, I mean which way?”

“Well, I don’t really know…”

“But you’re driving, right?”


” And you don’t know how you get here?”

“Well, you know, I come from that way.” (points vaguely)

(laughing openly) “But you come past the government building?”


“Then you cross the river.  On a bridge.”

“No, there’s no river around there.”

“Yes, there is.  It’s big.  The bridge has 6 lanes.  Look, you know the war memorial?  With the guy on top of it?”

“Yes.  It’s huge”

“It’s also right next to the river.”

Eventually we got it all sorted out.  I wrote down directions, in the (possibly vain) hope that they would lead her to her destination.  But I have to wonder….  How is it that someone is so oblivious they don’t notice the (large) river they cross everyday on the way to work??  And of course there was much speculation on alternate modes of transportation.

A herd of elephants, perhaps?

Magic carpet?

Sled dogs, pulling her valiantly across town?

A chariot drawn by cats?

And of course once we got to laughing, there was no end to the nonsense and laughter.  By the time I clocked out my ribs hurt and most of my eye makeup was wiped away.  Some days, work is good.  🙂