motheralice

thoughts randlomly dropped


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to a friend

 

Hey doll, how are you and yours doing right now?  
I opened this window with only the idea of sending love and now I’m sitting here having a bit of a spaz because >so many things<

 

It turns out, after all this time thinking that my voice didn’t matter much- I’ve discovered I was wrong. (Something I may have suspected but always thought was just ego prancing about the way it does.) Recently I have been calling, emailing, petitioning and generally making myself a pain in the ass for my representatives by speaking out on every single thing that matters to me  (Everyone needs a hobby, no?) and I am astounded by how much this voicing matters *to me*.   Whether they act on my words or no, each person I have contacted now knows what I expect of them. They know what I hired them to do when I voted.  More importantly, I know I spoke up.

 

It turns out, my voice houses power.  I mean, I knew this, in a ‘call it to you’ kind of way.  But this is sorta different.  This is *political* power, affecting something far outside of my immediate space and so very much broader.  Speaking out my will to those in that big building who have been contracted to work it to the best of their abilities.  Now, I know you’ll shake your head and say “well, they have a lot of people to work for, they can’t possibly do what you want them to do all the time” and that’s as may be, but…  Now they know what I want and they know that I’m paying attention and they will learn that I will continue to use that voice AND most importantly they know that when the time comes ’round again I’ll be voting again- and this time I’ll have been paying closer attention to their acts and words and deeds and holding them accountable for all those things.  I won’t lie, I’m already side-eyeing a couple of guys for replacement.  So I need to be looking at new applicants for those positions and start sharing their names with all my wooden shod friends so when the time comes around they are familiar and not like some weird new candy none of the kids wants to try first.*

 

** I dunno, Mable, that doesn’t look like any kind of taffy I’ve ever seen… You try it first.  **

 

The last few weeks have been tremendous.  Tumultuous.  Sneaky.  Rattling.  Refocusing.  Educational.  I have had to relearn some things and reacclimate to cold calling strangers ( a thing I once did for pay donkey’s years ago).  It’s a process, but I feel more confident now than I did before that first call (after which I had to pace the house and just breathe for about 5 minutes, oh ffs).  Emailing is easy.  It’s almost anonymous and if your voice shakes or you stumble on your words, no one can hear you so you don’t have to feel funny or embarrassed.  Also, texting has weakened our phone skills, y’all.  What the hell?  I used to be able to talk to anyone, ANYONE, on the phone for any reason.  Now it’s a ball of stress.  No.  That’s a thing to remedy.  That’s a worthy skill.  I had no idea it was a skill, but I’ve learned that it TOTALLY IS.

I digress….

My newest lesson is figuring out when they will be voting on things.  I have sources like Countable, the Sixty-Five, and Five Calls and those are great, but I want to be able to plan my calls and emails a bit farther ahead if possible.  So I am looking to see where the dockets are for voting and hearings and so forth.  I’m looking, too, at my local reps and situation and planning to start going to city council meetings.  I am certain they will be excited to get my input in this quite republican corner of the world, haha.  They’re gonna hear it though. 

 

I feel like so many of us were sleeping, just floating along on the dreamfloss of hope and complacency.  I certainly was.  I’m awake now though. 

 

 

 

 

Where *did* I put that Monkey Wrench?

 

 


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Light the torches…

… go into the Earth.

 

“The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun…” – Pantera, Mouth for war 

 

I’ve given myself a couple of days to consider the recent turn of events.  I’ve (sort of, not really, kinda, but not quite) forgiven folk for their votes.  At least the ones who were fooled (willingly) by the spin.  That shit is dizzying at best and entirely destructive at worst, so… there’s that I guess.  I wish there was a letter T movement so I could see who deliberately voted for hate- the ones who look at me and wonder why I’m out of the kitchen and wearing shoes (!!), the ones who think my gay friends really do deserve to be stoned, the ones who would kill or deport my friends who are not white.  There should be special glasses that let you see to the heart of a person.  Alas, not yet. 

 

I’ve considered options for my response, and discussed them with Bear- he’s so level headed and an excellent sounding board, especially when I am in full freak out- and we’ve agreed that it would be best for me to stick with my area of ability (expertise feels too ‘experty’ and I’m not sure I’m that at all), so bearing that in mind I’ve begun doing review and research on my plant allies.  As a woman, a mother, and a human being I have always been drawn to work with herbs.  It’s time to broaden my scope and up my game.  I think I need more lists to further distill my ideas, but teaching friends and family how to find and use plants that can help them is at the top of the list- especially those folks who rely on mainstream medicine to keep their hormones balanced, prevent unwanted situations, and generally care for themselves should the need arise.  This hasn’t been a big focus of mine up til now, but I’m thinking it’s time to remedy that.  If you can grow and make your own medicine, then you can carry on a little better in hard times.  Maybe a study group would be useful?  More to consider and discuss with folk I trust. 

 

I am moving forward cautiously, feeling my way in a place that has suddenly become dangerous.  I have good friends, strong friends, loving and kind friends, and I am so grateful for that.  I’ve taken up my gratitude practice again and that has helped me see past the rubble of the tower a bit, into a ruined garden filled with dormant possibilities.  It’s time to suit up and move some stones, and re-create a safe space for my tribe.  I’m so proud to know that I will have the help of my men in this work.  

 

Can I just say how abso-fucking-lutely proud I am of my guys?  Throughout this whole cycle of shitstorm they’ve stood by their woman (me) and by Women and humanity.  They’ve been just as shocked and appalled by this whole thing as I have.  Not once have they looked at me and wondered why I’ve been so upset, so disturbed.  Rather, they’ve been my rock and allowed me to be theirs.  If nothing else has, this proves to me that I’ve done alright as a mother.  I couldn’t be more proud. 

 

I am seeing many folk talking of suicide, in the wake of this result.  This makes me so very sad- that folk are so frightened and downhearted that ending their lives seems a better way.  My thoughts are a little tricky in this arena, but here goes…. 

 

Your life is your own, for better or worse.  Situations that are out of your hands, health that feels impossible to sort out, feeling unloved/uncared for/ hated, despairing, the utter bleakness of depression.  This is a call only you can make, ultimately- but I urge you to talk it through with someone you love who loves you back before you make that choice.  A human being, sovereign in and of zemself, has every right to end their life if they choose, but I feel it is not a choice to be taken lightly or in the heat of a moment.  Make the choice with clear eyes and a clear head.  Remember that all things change and you are valuable because you *are*. 

 

Don’t quit the fight just because you’ve found yourself in a corner- use the leverage and move the world instead.